So here’s the thing, peeps: I’ve not been completely honest about everything when it comes to my recent relocation.
I’ve been trying to capture both the highs and the lows of moving to Korea over the last 2 months so that I can look back one day and really understand what it was all like. I made a decision to write about things that others might have kept quiet about as well as the things I’ve really enjoyed.
But the truth of the matter is that my first few months here have been tainted by sadness.
It’s a sadness that lurks in the back of my mind even when I’m smiling, laughing and generally having a good time. I haven’t felt that deep connection to Korea that most people seem to experience when they get here. There’s been no spark of excitement that’s let me lose myself in the moment and, no matter how much I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given and no matter how much I’m trying to get from this experience, there’s something missing.
And, lately, that something missing has been getting to me more than it should.
It feels like a tick in the back of my brain that refuses to feel everything 100%.
That lingering sadness has been showing up in bursts of crying fits, agitation (not a great thing to have when you teach high school), overwhelming tiredness, and emptiness. I’ve been having difficulty concentrating and have found that I’m skipping most meals again. Worst of all, I’ve been a pretty shitty friend to those overseas. I know the obligatory ‘How’s Korea?’ question will eventually pop up during conversation and, not wanting to lie to them, I end up just not talking to them at all.
Korea’s not exactly known for its sympathies when it comes to feeling sorry for yourself and, from what I can see, the expats I’ve met seem to be having the times of their lives.
So, as I’m essentially holding myself responsible to ensure I don’t turn into a complete depressive, I’ve decided to try and take some action and join the #100HappyDays meme. Yup. The one that features a bunch of ridiculously happy people clogging up your Instagram, Facebook and Twitter feeds with pictures of sunsets and food.
I gave up doing memes a long time ago but, right now, I feel like a piece of positivity in each day couldn’t hurt.
I mean, I think even signing up to the challenge was a big red flag that I needed to go ahead with it. One of the things you have to fill in is the “Challenge Start Date” and I genuinely had to have a good think about it because I was convinced nothing was going to make me happy today.
Oh yeah, I’m a real upper.
So, there it is, guys. As of today, I’ll be doing the 100 Happy Days challenge and if you’d like to follow my little collection of photos, you can do so over on Instagram. (Oh yeah, I have an Instagram now. I’m mega cool and down with the kids. (Is cool still a cool thing to say?))
If you follow me on Twitter or have me as a friend on Facebook, I might link up a Happy Days picture (Sunday, Monday, Happy Days … Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days … ) now and again but, for the most part, it’s pretty much going to be kept on my Instagram.
And, to kick it off, here’s the picture from Day 1:
These are two of my favourite students who decided to hang around after class today to chat. I love these girls so much. At the start of our after-school course, they barely spoke a word, sat by themselves in their little shy bubbles, and let the others do all the talking.
But now? It’s amazing to see how much their confidence has increased. In every class I have them in, they’re not afraid to participate and give answers. Not only that but, unlike a lot of their peers, they aren’t afraid to practice their English with me outside of class and try to hold a conversation.
Fabulous girls who are going to be pretty amazing women.